What is stalking?
January is here again, and at SafeHouse, we’re acknowledging Stalking Awareness Month. According to the CDC, stalking impacts 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men in the United States. Stalking is one of the more misunderstood of the behaviors that victims experience and report, so let’s shed a little light on the subject. According to SPARC, the Stalking Prevention and Awareness Resource Center, stalking is, “A pattern of behavior directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to fear for the person’s safety or the safety of others; or suffer substantial emotional distress.”
But what constitutes a pattern? And what behaviors count as stalking?
According to RAIIN, stalking behaviors can take place in a variety of different forms, such as:
- Making threats against someone, or that person’s family or friends.
- Non-consensual communication, such as repeated phone calls, emails, text messages, and unwanted gifts.
- Repeated physical or visual closeness, like waiting for someone to arrive at certain locations, following someone, or watching someone from a distance.
- Any other behavior used to contact, harass, track, or threaten someone.
One of the things that makes stalking so tricky, is that it is contextual. A behavior that may seem harmless on its own may constitute stalking if occurs as part of a pattern.
What does stalking look like in real life?
When I was in college, I experienced stalking from one of my fellow students. One day he arrived at the class we shared holding a sketchbook and some colored pencils. He said he noticed that I doodled in the margins of my notebook, and he wanted to support my artistic expression. To the casual observer, this “gift” may have seemed a little odd or forward, but ultimately harmless. But for me, it was frightening because it was part of an ongoing pattern. I had experienced endless unwanted communication from this young man on Facebook (which was burgeoning at the time). He sent me frequent messages trying to solicit my attention and my sympathy. He wrote poems and stories about me and shared them in our writing classes. Furthermore, he seemed to show up wherever I was. The fact that he had been observing me in class made me more than uncomfortable. And when I started to push back and set boundaries, his messages and emails became threatening.
My college ultimately expelled him after receiving reports from me and several other students who were on the receiving end of his unwanted attention and threats. But that didn’t stop the fear. In fact, my fear of him increased because I worried he would blame me for his expulsion. When I got married a year after I graduated not far from campus, my parents (unbeknownst to me at the time) showed several guests his picture and posted them as lookouts at the venue in an effort to keep me safe.
I was lucky—my experience with stalking began and ended with fear. But many people are not so lucky.
National Day of Action for Stalking Awareness
Peggy Klinke was murdered 20 years ago on January 18th by her stalker and ex-boyfriend. She tried to escape him multiple times, even moving states away and filing for a restraining order. But he hired a private investigator to track her down and kill her.
National Stalking Awareness Month was founded with help from her sister, Debbie Riddle, who says, “Peggy had a sparkling personality and would light up a room. As the stalking continued and continued, we saw that shine fade.” This year, SPARC is launching the first ever National Day of Action for Stalking Awareness on January 18th, in celebration of Peggy’s life and for all the victims and survivors of stalking. SPARC is asking people to wear sparkly or shiny clothing to “bring back the sparkle” and to post a photo with the hashtags: #SparkleAgainstStalking #NSAM2024 #NSAMDayofAction
Please join us in observing this National Day of Action and check out our previous blog on Stalking Awareness Month. And if you or someone you know is or has experienced stalking, SafeHouse is here for you. Stalking is violence. It is illegal. And victims and survivors are entitled to help and support. Call our crisis line to speak with a trained advocate: 205-669-7233
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