Should I seek couples counseling for domestic violence?

Should I seek couples counseling for domestic violence?

Domestic violence is a critical issue that requires specialized intervention. When a relationship is abusive, physically or emotionally, the traditional approach of couples counseling can do more harm than good. While it may seem like a step toward healing, couples counseling in cases of domestic violence is not only ineffective but can also be dangerous.

 

The Danger of Misplaced Blame

In couples counseling, the goal is often to help both partners understand their roles in the relationship’s dynamics. However, in situations of domestic violence, this approach can inadvertently shift the blame onto the victim. A victim may begin to believe that they are partially responsible for the abuse they are enduring, which perpetuates the cycle of violence. The abuser may use the counseling sessions to further manipulate and control the victim. This makes it even harder for the victim to break free from the abusive relationship.

 

Increased Risk of Harm

Couples counseling in the context of domestic violence can increase the likelihood of further abuse. After a session, an abuser may retaliate against the victim due to their disclosures during counseling. This creates an unsafe environment for the victim, who may feel trapped and unable to speak openly about their experiences. The fear of repercussions can lead to underreporting of the abuse. This makes it difficult for the counselor to provide the necessary support and intervention.

 

The Role of Ethical Counseling Practices

The counseling profession has clear ethical guidelines that discourage conjoint sessions when domestic violence is present. The American Counseling Association (ACA) emphasizes the importance of avoiding harm to clients. It is an ethical violation for a counselor to continue sessions with a couple after discovering domestic violence. Counselors are advised to terminate conjoint sessions immediately and focus on the safety and well-being of the victim.

 

The Need for Separate Intake Sessions

Domestic Violence Counselor Madi Arnett explains, “I’ve had several clients tell me they tried couples counseling before leaving, and I always ask if they disclosed the abuse to the counselor. None of them had. That’s a big reason there’s a push for separate intake sessions for each partner. Victims need time alone with the counselor to disclose it without the partner present. That doesn’t eliminate the non-disclosure, but at least gives the opportunity to disclose or even just give hints of abusive behavior the counselor can pick up on.”

 

Specialized Care for Abusers

Domestic violence is the sole responsibility of the abuser. Prevention efforts should focus on the abuser receiving specialized care through perpetrator intervention programs. These programs are designed to address the underlying issues that lead to abusive behavior and provide the abuser with the tools needed to change. By directing the abuser to appropriate resources, the victim receives the space and support needed to heal and rebuild their life.

 

Connecting Victims with Support

Victims of domestic violence should be connected with local domestic violence agencies like SafeHouse that offer safety planning and trauma-informed counseling. These agencies are equipped to provide the specialized support that victims need to escape abusive relationships and regain control of their lives. It is crucial that victims receive help from professionals who understand the complexities of domestic violence and can offer the appropriate guidance.

 

Conclusion

Couples counseling is not a solution for domestic violence. It can exacerbate the situation, putting the victim at greater risk. The focus should be on the safety and well-being of the victim, with abusers receiving specialized care aimed at preventing further harm. By following ethical guidelines and connecting victims with the right resources, we can work toward ending the cycle of violence and supporting those affected by domestic abuse.

 

If you or someone you love is experiencing domestic violence please reach out.

SafeHouse: offers free and confidential counseling services, support groups (call to see if we’re currently active), emergency shelter, advocacy, and resources for individuals who have experienced domestic violence or sexual assault. SafeHouse supports Shelby, Coosa, Clay, and Chilton Counties in Alabama. Call 205-669-7233 (SAFE).

National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) (TTY: 1-800-787-3224) or visit www.thehotline.org for 24/7 confidential support, crisis intervention, and resources.

Thank you to Madi Arnett, MA, ALC, NCC, SafeHouse Domestic Violence Counselor, for her invaluable contributions and feedback to this post.