Read Along with SafeHouse: What Happened to You?

Welcome, readers. March is National Reading Month. At SafeHouse, we’ve been diving into the powerful pages of What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Dr. Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey. SafeHouse has been leading a book club and support group in Clay County around What Happened to You? Our meetings have sparked meaningful discussions and shared discoveries. We would like to invite you, our blog readers, to read along with SafeHouse as we celebrate National Reading Month. Let’s explore together the transformative power of understanding and healing from trauma.

What Happened to You? Book Overview

In What Happened to You? Dr. Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey engage in a captivating dialog that delves deep into the complexities of trauma and its lasting impacts on individuals. Through poignant storytelling, scientific research, and personal anecdotes, the authors illuminate key themes of resilience, healing, and the transformative power of connection. Their unique, conversational style makes for a compelling and accessible read. It offers valuable insights for survivors of trauma, caregivers, parents, and professionals working with children. Today I want to take a deeper look at the ways survivors might benefit from reading this book:

Validation of Experiences

“[U]nderstanding how the brain reacts to stress or early trauma helps clarify how what has happened to us in the past shapes who we are, how we behave, and why we do the things we do.”

-Oprah Winfrey, What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing

For survivors of domestic and sexual violence, feeling validated in personal experiences can be a necessary step towards healing. What Happened to You? offers this validation by exploring the normalcy of trauma responses in abnormal situations. The book is full of stories that will make readers feel less alone. And crucially, it also contains the explanations of brain science allowing the reader to understand why these trauma responses happen and why they make sense in context.

Empowerment through Knowledge

“Most people who are in the process of excavating the reasons they do what they do are met at some point with resistance. ‘You’re blaming the past.’ ‘Your past is not an excuse.’ This is true. Your past is not an excuse. But it is an explanation—offering insight into the questions so many of us ask ourselves: Why do I behave the way I behave? Why do I feel the way I do? For me, there is no doubt that our strengths, vulnerabilities, and unique responses are an expression of what happened to us.”

– -Oprah Winfrey, What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing

When survivors understand their own trauma, they may feel more empowered to self-advocate, seek help, and engage in self-care and self-compassion. There is power in knowing how our brains work and why we feel the things that we do. With this power we can make better, more informed choices about recovery and take control of our lives and our healing. Taking back control is so important for survivors who have often experienced a loss of control at the hands of their abusers.

Hope and Resilience

“Social connection builds resilience, and resilience helps create post-traumatic wisdom, and that wisdom leads to hope. Hope for you and hope for others witnessing and participating in your healing, hope for your community.”

―Dr. Bruce D. Perry, What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing

Perhaps the most inspiring aspect of What Happened to You? is the message of hope and resilience it conveys. Despite the profound challenges that trauma poses to survivors, the book emphasizes the brain’s remarkable capacity for healing and change. Through powerful stories of resilience and recuperation, readers are reminded that recovery is possible, and they aren’t defined by their past experiences.

Tools

“…the best predictor of your current mental health is your current ‘relational health,’ or connectedness. This connectedness is fueled by two things: the basic capabilities you’ve developed to form and maintain relationships, and the relational ‘opportunities’ you have in your family, neighborhood, school, and so forth.”

– Dr. Bruce D. Perry, What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing

In addition to offering hope and inspiration, What Happened to You provides practical strategies and insights for overcoming trauma, building resilience, improving our emotional regulation, and strengthening our relational health. In fact, these tools are some of my main takeaways from the book.

Key Takeaways

Reframe: We as a society must change the way we think about the trauma within ourselves and others. The best question to ask is not, “what’s wrong with you?” but rather, “what happened to you.” We cannot fully understand someone’s behavior without knowing their story.
Regulation: When we’re dysregulated, we cannot access our cortex (our thinking brain). Therefore, we cannot make good decisions. We also cannot help someone else regulate, including a dysregulated child. Self-Care, self-compassion, rhythm, and healthy relationships are so important because they help us with emotional regulation.
Relationships: When people feel supported, seen, and cared for by others, they are better able to manage their emotions and navigate life’s challenges. However, a lack of supportive relationships can hinder emotional regulation and exacerbate the effects of trauma. It can also mean that we seek regulation and reward in less-ideal ways (drugs and alcohol, binging, unhealthy sexual behaviors, etc.) I think Dr. Perry says it best.

“…the most powerful form of reward is relational. Positive interactions with people are rewarding and regulating. Without connection to people who care for you, spend time with you, and support you, it is almost impossible to step away from any form of unhealthy reward and regulation.”

― Bruce D. Perry, What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing

Learn More about What Happened to You?

Read an excerpt from What Happened to You on Oprah’s Website
Listen to the audiobook for free, narrated by the authors
Download a free book club/reading guide for parents from the Children’s Trust Fund Alliance

Resources for Those Experiencing Sexual Assault or Domestic Violence

Other SafeHouse Favorite Books

Keep the reading going and check out these other SafeHouse book recommendations:

Read Along with SafeHouse: What Happened to You?